Columnist asserts the right to pick our noses vigorously and often
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel conservative columnist Patrick McIlheran found a chart created by the Federal Highway Administration that shows that Americans travel more miles by vehicle with every passing year, prompting deployment of his trademark folksy "Uh, no"'s and "Um, no"'s as he explains that we should respond to this steady increase with equally steady increases in road building and widening.
So, if you should happen to chart the nosepicking incidents of your four-year-old and note an upward trend, McIlhernan-logic states, be sure to take that as a sign that you should do everything you can to facilitate more and easier nose-picking into the future.
For sheer arrogance, you can hardly beat a paragraph like this:
What that chart's 70-year climb really shows, then, is the democratization of speed and mobility. As Americans get richer, they gain the power to decide where to go and when. Whether the age of gas is over is debatable. Whether people will happily surrender that power, however, seems unlikely. I wouldn't bet on this being the end of the road.
Perhaps if Mr. McIlheran tied a string around his finger it would remind him that there is a war on right now that is directly related to a foreign policy tied intrinsically to the attitude expressed above. Is it worth getting to Wal-Mart quicker?
Time to change that attitude. Or go on picking our noses, vigorously and often.
John -
The only reason your metaphor between driving and picking one's nose is not on all fours is that, by my own experience (I have four sons under age 8), with nose-picking there is an endless renewable resource to mine - not so with driving and the use of oil. Makes McIlhernan's assertion even worse.
Al
Posted by: Al Foeckler | December 03, 2008 at 12:33 PM
HA!
"Endless renewable resource" is a great euphemism for "booger" that I will have to start using around the house.
Posted by: John Michlig | December 03, 2008 at 12:37 PM
That whole paragraph is amazing. As Americans "get richer"? I guess this guy's column isn't found in the business section of the MJS.
Who's betting on this "being the end of the road"?
Did I miss something? Did someone in Washington vow to tear up our freeway system in the name of public transportation?
Likewise, who is debating that the age of gas is over?
Do they have editors over there?
Posted by: J. Strupp | December 03, 2008 at 02:10 PM
Hey...This is just ICK. It's like a TV commercial that I watched and can't remember what it was about.
And why do so many men have to pick their noses when they drive?
Sorry, I can't focus. I have to leave now.
ICK.
Posted by: Janet Evans | December 03, 2008 at 05:34 PM
The sad irony, which I'm not afraid to admit, is that at the very moment I interwebbed over to your blog and saw this post, I was picking my nose.
But seriously, echoing J, I'll never understand why those who backlash against public transit tend to be paranoid that their cars are going to be confiscated and they will be forced at gunpoint onto a bus or train.
Like your car? Sweet! You can have it! Can I have a speeding train? Upset that your tax dollars will pay for my train? My tax dollars pay for your roads! How bout a little quid pro quo. That's all I ask.
Posted by: Jeff | December 03, 2008 at 10:33 PM
I salute your honesty, Jeff.
And now that we're getting ready to hand the auto companies boatloads of cash, should we be talking about how great this whole asphalt/vehicle/oil setup is working?
Posted by: John Michlig | December 04, 2008 at 09:10 AM
Hey,
I bought an SUV for nothing a few months ago and gas is about to be $1.20/gallon. This asphalt, vehicle, oil thing is working just fine for me right now.
Posted by: J. Strupp | December 05, 2008 at 04:07 PM
"... working just fine for me right now."
Do you like the sound of that?
Nose picking.
Posted by: John Michlig | December 05, 2008 at 07:14 PM