A quasi-Ph.D who is unclear on the concept of "profit," or, "Bow and give alms to our benevolent corporate overlords!"

Barbara Fischer, a Milwaukee Journal Sentinel "community columnist," has become a personal favorite of mine for her can't-believe-it's-not-a-parody, Ayn Rand-ian, compassion-free world view (see previous related blog entry here).

Her latest, pasted below, is another jewel. 

Ms. Fischer says in her bio "I am chair of a business and economics department at a private liberal arts university in the metropolitan area. I have been a professor for 15 years." As for the cryptic alphabet soup appended to her name,  Jim Bouman at Waterlogged in Waukesha enlightens us:

Ph.D. A.B.D., for the untutored, describes an utterly laughable reification. Someone who lists "Ph.D., A.B.D." as a credential will try to persuade you to buy a "Semi-boneless Ham" or a pint of "Fat-Free Half and Half".

A.B.D., it turns out, means "all but dissertation." Or, in other words, NOT a Ph.D. To read her interaction with her "class," by the way, leads one to think she's teaching elementary school rather than a college level course.

Something has to be behind her fairly breathtaking error regarding what "profit" is. She begins:

Being a conservative economics teacher at a liberal arts college is not easy. Oftentimes when I am teaching market structures (bear with me here), the inevitable comments and questions arise: Why are businesses so greedy? Why do businesses earn excessive profits? We should boycott Wal-Mart. The oil companies are gouging us.

I decide to use this as a "teaching moment."

The lesson begins this way:

"Let's take a few minutes to answer some questions. Who pays for your tuition?"

Several hands go up. One student retorts, "I pay my own way." I ask how. "From my own paycheck, of course." I ask, "Who pays your paycheck?" The student responds, "The company."

"And how does the company have the means with which to pay you?" The student replies, "I guess from their profits." I respond, "That is correct."

Not correct - and may make for some interesting tax audits (Pundit Nation spotted the goof as well). Profit is what you have after  subtracting costs of doing business - - and, as much as free market warriors would like to forget them, paying the employees has to be considered a cost of doing business, not something you do if you get into the black.

I see the error as revelatory. The days when employees were treated as partners in the quest for profit are fading from memory, and Barbara Fischer's "teaching moment" unwittingly - though starkly - illuminates the ideological underpinnings to that slide. Being a self-described conservative academic has evidently sheltered her from reality to the extent that she exposes a bit of wishful thinking: "We (the saintly 'Corporation') make money, and we'll pay the work force whatever dribbles over the edge. IF something dribbles over the edge."

Ms. Fisher's Mentos commercial (I picture these fine young academicians exchanging high-fives as they get hip to "Fischernomics") is comically myopic and ends with a bang:

"The next time you hear about the evil oil companies, the evil Wal-Marts or any other evil company, remember that without them, you would not be at this institution, I would not be here, your other professors would not be here and the new building would not be built."

No, folks, this isn't satire. The column, and the delicious quote above, are authentic. I guess her point is, let these benevolent Corporate gods do what they will, because we suckle at their teat and they have made us what we are.

Wrong again.

She's apparently never heard of the GI Bill, a government program which made college affordable for an entire new population segment (i.e. non-wealthy) and their children.  And she seems to ignore the fact that the this new high-level workforce helped create the postwar US economic juggernaut. Corporations have responded - - only after government initiative showed them the way - - by seeding the academic ground for more talent by contributing to institutions of learning.

And how about a world where corporate whims are unfettered by government regulations? Let's go back to 70 hour work weeks and sweatshops packed with nine- and ten-year old kids - -  that's what worked for corporations before they were reined in.

Ladies and gentlemen, from the author of "Misgivings about taking action for the 'common good" and "What's so wrong with being selfish?" here's an ode to letting our Corporate betters do what they will  - - unencumbered by silly regulations or the need to pay taxes - - so they can continue their selfless good works:

Don't slap the hand that feeds you

By BARBARA FISCHER

Being a conservative economics teacher at a liberal arts college is not easy. Oftentimes when I am teaching market structures (bear with me here), the inevitable comments and questions arise: Why are businesses so greedy? Why do businesses earn excessive profits? We should boycott Wal-Mart. The oil companies are gouging us.

I decide to use this as a "teaching moment."

The lesson begins this way:

"Let's take a few minutes to answer some questions. Who pays for your tuition?"

Several hands go up. One student retorts, "I pay my own way." I ask how. "From my own paycheck, of course." I ask, "Who pays your paycheck?" The student responds, "The company."

"And how does the company have the means with which to pay you?" The student replies, "I guess from their profits." I respond, "That is correct."

The next student says, "I get a scholarship from the university." I say, "All right, and where does the university obtain scholarship funds?" "From our tuition?"

"Not really," I say. "It comes from donations and other similar means. Who provides these donations? Individuals and companies. And where do you suppose these individuals and/or firms get those funds?" From profits is the answer - again.

Another student replies, "I receive government grants and/or loans."

"And where do you suppose these funds originate?" I jump the gun and reply, "From taxes. Who do you suppose pays all the taxes? We do - from our paychecks from companies who create the jobs from profit. And let's not forget, companies pay taxes as well - from their profits."

Yet another student replies, "My parents are footing the bill." Before, I can say anything, some will say, "We know, from their jobs created by companies from their profits."

"Yes, but now let's move on to something a little closer to us right here. Where do you suppose the university received funds for the brand new building that was built? And the answer is not tuition. From individuals who donated the funds. And, in turn, where did these individuals obtain their funds? From either having a job or creating a company and donating money from their profits."

At about this time, a student will mention that not all individuals work at for-profit organizations. "Excellent point," I retort. "Let's discuss that next."

"Where do most not-for-profit organizations obtain their funds? From donations, which come from individuals who have a job created by business from their profits! Or perhaps from government funds, which come from taxes, which are paid by individuals from their salary created by profits. Or from selling services paid for by individuals who have jobs.

"What about people who work for government?" As I open my mouth, a student will say, "From our taxes, which come from people with a job created from profits."

I ask one last question. "Who do you think pays my salary?" That is an easy one as they say in unison, "We do! From our tuition that comes from our jobs, our parents, government, etc."

By now, they get the drill.

So I tell them, "The next time you hear about the evil oil companies, the evil Wal-Marts or any other evil company, remember that without them, you would not be at this institution, I would not be here, your other professors would not be here and the new building would not be built."

Companies are the economic engine that drives the economy of the United States of America.

I rest my case.

Barbara Fischer of Port Washington chairs the business and economics department at a local private university. Her e-mail address is bfischer4@wi.rr.com

Comments

[JB]

Speaking of cryptic -- what does "a local private university" mean? Why not just give the name of the school?

[John Michlig]

Cardinal Stritch. Employers, beware that name on applicant resumes for positions that require some depth of knowledge in business and economics.

[somewhere in the middle]

Serious misuses of logic in her articles...seriously? What an idiot. I understand her point of view and I respect it, but her evidence is a joke for someone with a PhD...

[John Michlig]

No - someone who ALMOST has a Ph.D.

Remember, "Barbara Fischer Ph.D. A.B.D." (A.B.D = "All but dissertation")

[Terrence Berres]

"She's apparently never heard of the GI Bill..."

Wasn't her point the source of the money for this or any other government program?

[John]

No.

[Freefall]

To be clear: A.B.D. means that she took courses.

Oh, and apparently got good enough grades to go forward.

But she didn't, and she hasn't.

[Josh Strupp]

Is it just me or does it seem like the conversation between Mrs. Fischer and her class is, in actuality, a discussion between Mrs. Fischer and Mrs. Fischer? Geez, I'm now dumber for having read her column. God help us if that was a lesson in conservative economics.

[John Michlig]

You're right, Josh - she does no favors for her profession or anyone who shares her ideology.

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